Synopsis
Use empathy to see the world through the eyes of others. When negative energy comes at you ask yourself 2 questions: 1. Did I do anything to cause it? 2. What is going on with the other person?

Exercise – The next couple of times you get into a disagreement with someone try taking their side of the argument. At least verbally begin to agree with their point of view. Argue for it, understand it, and see where they’re coming from. This exercise will pay off royally if you use it to learn to understand others better.
Response
This I will do. A few years ago I got the advice to start telling myself, “That’s not my problem.” If I don’t explain this right it sounds cold, but it is really an act of self love. I have a tendency to internalize others problems. I don’t know why all my examples and analogies are traffic based but here is an example. When someone is tailgating me and in a rush on the road and I’m going the speed limit and following all the laws that is not my problem. It is not my problem that they are in a rush. I don’t need to change the way I’m driving to accommodate them. They might be curing me for going to slow. Their mental disortian is not my problem.
Instead I can practice empathy. When I’m at my best I do feel bad for the person. I say “Wow, being in that person’s chaotic mind must be hard. Hopefully they can find a way to re-organize their life so that they are not in a rush.” This is not always how I react, but when I’m at my best it is how I react.
Following the steps in the chapter about empathy I first ask myself “Did I do anything to cause it?” If I did cause it then it is easy to see why the other person by be annoyed with me. If I didn’t cause it then I move on to asking myself “What is going on with the other person?” When I’m at my best I realize that if I did not cause the irritation then it is not me that they are really mad at. If they honk at me and I’m doing everything perfectly I know there is something else in their life bugging them and wonder what it might be. An argument with the spouse, a bad health outcome, or maybe a bad night’s sleep. I practice empathy to relate to them
The point is when I’m the recipient of strangers undeserved outward aggression I 1. Don’t let it effect my mood it it is “not my problem” and 2. Begin to view that person as a brother and might even pray for them, that they might be able to resolve whatever is going poorly in their like to cause them to be rude to a stranger. By showing love in the face of hate maybe they will reflect on their life and their decisions. Maybe they will ask themselves why they are so angry, and maybe next time the will offer grace when they feel wronged even if they were somehow wronged.
For example when someone cuts me off in traffic accidentally I could yell at them that they are an idiot which won’t make either of us feel better, or I could give the action the appropriate level of significance and just let it go. Being cut off in traffic is not going to ruin my day and probably won’t make me get to my destination any slower. If I internalize that the world is full of shitty and selfish drivers than If may ended up snowballing into general annoyance which could ruin my day. If even I spend 5 minutes annoyed that is 5 minutes not at peace over an insignificant event.
Author – Brian Ahlering