Synopsis
People who blame others struggle in relationships while those who those who take responsibility do better. Blaming seems hardwired in the brain and is a defense mechanism designed to protect our ego. It is a hallmark of self-defeating behavior. Blaming others is a victim mentality that takes away your mental capabilities to enact positive change in your life. When your take responsibility for your circumstances you create the mental framework that it is you and only you that can better your circumstances. You get back a feeling of agency over your life. Blaming others is a self imposed form of slavery. It is a belief that others hold your destiny in their hands.
Exercise – What can you do today to make your relationships better?
Response
I can seek out those in my life who might think that I blame them for something and let them know that I know I am the sole owner of agency in my life. I made the mental change to stop blaming others a few years ago. In my estimation I didn’t chronically blame others, at least not directly, but I would blame them.
For example if someone disappointed me or was rude to me I would be annoyed with them. I made was to ask myself “Why was I disappointed?” Maybe I didn’t give clear enough instructions or make my expectations known. What can I do next time to avoid disappointment? If someone is rude to me I made the mental shift to think to myself that they must have something going on in there lives because I know I didn’t do anything. There rudeness to me is not my problem and I’m not going to let it affect me.
Taking responsibility in my estimation is one part commission to others and 1 part taking agency over your own decisions.
Author – Brian Ahlering